Up above is my soon-to-be 2 year old daughter Addyson and I. Lately (well not lately because we always argue), but lately her father and I had a long debate about him not helping with Addyson as much as I would like him to. With me being a full-time student/parent at Mizzou, my long line of tasks include waking child up, bathing and clothing child, bathing and clothing self, taking child to daycare, taking self to class, taking self to work, participating in any extra curricular activities self might have, picking child up from daycare, feeding child dinner prior to bedtime, fixing self dinner prior to bedtime, bathe child, put child to bed……then HOMEWORK! I’m sure upon reading just that section alone you as the reader probably just felt a sensation of being overwhelmed. These are EVERYDAY tasks. Some days are a little easier than others but overall it is not EASY. Not to mention my social life. I dont care what anyone says, mama does have to have a life too. That’s where I regain my sanity. I CANNOT be all about school/parenting 24/7. I would go absolutely crazy. I like to go to social gatherings, parties, I like to drink, all the things people my age are supposed to be doing. But trust and believe, all my child’s needs are met prior to my own and she is in safe hands. But back to what I was saying about her father.
I recently came back to Mizzou in the Spring 2011 semester and I am just now getting a job as of July 2011. FInding other sources of income has been my number one struggle. Her father, is a college athlete who is jobless. Not to bash him but hell, I guess when your tuition is being paid for and in return you sleep, eat, and breathe basketball, I wouldn’t have time for a job either. FORGET ALL THAT! We attend two different schools and while he is away hooping for free tuition, I am here paying for an education and trying to raise our child at the same time. Back in February, to obtain more needed cash, I signed up for Temporary Assistance. The only thing about that is, that enforced his child support which only enhanced his reasoning for not helping financially. “I’m going to have to pay it all back later, so I’m not going to pay for things now.” -__________- (we all know what that face is). Granted, I budget my money correctly (I try to), so we will always have food and a roof over our head. I have very supportive parents as well so I only ask for help when NEEDED, and needless to say my child and I never need for anything. Just because I receive help doesn’t mean my job having two roles is easy. I wish he would get that through his head.
"All you do is go to class and stay at home all night with Addy." <—— Oh Word?? Is that all I do? That comment further proved his ignorance (in the context of not knowing) and developed an idea. So I say, "Whatever school you decide to attend next semester, take Addyson with you and I want you to feel what it is like to only ‘go to class and stay at home all night with Addy’ if that is all I do." As an avid watcher of Teen Mom, I quickly thought of cameras recording him and Addy all day as he struggled to take care of her and handle his own business. Then me coming into a scene saying, "I TOLD YOU SO!"
It sounded like a great idea when I presented it to him (which was just last friday), but he told his whole family and really wants to go through with it. I honestly thought he would re-nig. But its me thats very reluctant. Addy slept in my bed last night (until she got up and kept slapping me that is), and I just continued to stare at her and water formed in the corner of my eyes as I thought of not seeing her everyday. Potty-training her, listening to new songs she learned at daycare, her grabbing a brush attempting to do my hair. These are things I witness everyday! Could I honestly go without it for a whole semester. Right now she is going through “Terrible Twos” and she is the most independent little girl I know (just like me). I have days where I cry and want to rip my hair out, but I love it all and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
School starts in less than a month and the school he is going to is 8 hours away. Although I do DESPERATELY want him to feel the struggle that I do everyday so he can learn to appreciate my job, can I do that at my daughter’s expense? He has already talked to his coach and EVERYTHING and they have a plan to help him as well. HE IS SERIOUS! I can already hear all the backlash I would get. “How could you be so selfish Alana?” “You just want to get rid of her so you can do your own thing!” BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!
I have time to think about it and prepare myself for the round of emotions I would be going though. These three weeks will consist of constant prayer. Now that I put it in words, it still doesn’t look better. :(